In a revolutionary move that’s sure to shake up the sedentary world of outdoor lighting, Seminole Pole is proud to announce the groundbreaking invention of self-walking light poles!
Gone are the days of static streetlights – these innovative new poles take fitness to the next level by incorporating a built-in treadmill base. As pedestrians stroll by, the light poles will subtly adjust their pace to match, offering a motivating (and slightly unnerving) walking companion.
“We wanted to create a product that promotes a healthy lifestyle,” says Phil Lite, Seminole Pole’s Director of Illumination and Ambulation (yes, that’s a real department now). “Our new self-walking light poles gently nudge pedestrians to get those steps in, while simultaneously providing excellent nighttime visibility for dog walkers, joggers, and anyone else who enjoys a brisk evening stroll with a chatty streetlight.”
Here are just a few of the amazing features of Seminole Pole’s Self-Walking Light Poles:
- Variable Speed Settings: Choose from a leisurely stroll to a brisk power walk to keep up with your fitness goals.
- Beat-Synced Illumination: The lights pulse in time with your favorite walking playlist for an extra motivational boost. (Bluetooth speaker attachment sold separately)
- Conversation Mode: Engage in stimulating discussions about the weather, the meaning of life, or the best places to find a decent cup of coffee at 3 am. (Disclaimer: Light pole may not be programmed with all the answers.)
- Eco-Friendly Design: The self-walking mechanism is powered by kinetic energy generated from pedestrian movement, reducing our carbon footprint and your gym membership fees.
Pre-orders for Seminole Pole’s Self-Walking Light Poles will begin on April 2nd… but wait, there’s more! The first 100 customers will receive a complimentary pair of tiny running shoes for their new light pole companion. (Shoes are purely decorative and do not affect walking speed.)
So ditch the treadmill and embrace the future of fitness with Seminole Pole’s Self-Walking Light Poles! (Unless it’s April 1st, in which case, this was all a big joke. We hope you got a chuckle.)
Happy April Fools’ Day from all of us at Seminole Pole!
P.S. We’re still the leading manufacturer of high-quality, stationary light poles. Because sometimes, you just want a reliable light source that doesn’t judge your walking pace.